First off, let me preface this post by saying that although I am currently going through assisted reproductive procedures with the hubs, I am a mother from a prior relationship. I have 8 years of experience doing this, but I would never claim to be an expert in parenting so when “mommy blogs” pass off their posts as professional advice or that they are somehow more knowledgeable than the next, it INFURIATES me. (Because those that don’t agree must not have researched or developed an informed opinion from a professional)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot….Has It Really Come to This?
I read a post yesterday (well a few since I was so “intrigued” by the first) that just got me so unbelievably annoyed that I had to call the hubs into my office while I responded to her oh so eloquent list…line by line. Let me also say that this woman very clearly had a disclaimer that she has no medical/psychological training. I am sure you can imagine what I did next. That’s right. I went straight to the comments section-as if I needed to be more fired up. I read through the comments of the blogger’s like minded moms…until….behold IMHO a rational human being!! Where’s the middle ground she wondered? Simple enough question-right? WRONG….the BLOGGER proceeded to respond to the commenter about how grossly misinformed she must be to make such a comment. This lady passed her opinion off as medical fact and I was mortified. What was less shocking was that there were other commenters that of course chimed in about their distaste for more moderate parenting style. It was all or nothing and this was war. A war I didn’t want to join.
I found this blog post called Opting Out of the Mommy Wars which I thought was stellar. It was mostly about the SAHM/WAHM, but same basic principle.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not usually one to shy away from a comment battle. We are all tough guys/gals from behind a computer. But this was just plain stupid. I have never met any one of these people’s children. Are they perfect members of society, are they shitty little brats, or are they happy well adjusted kids? I don’t know. I’d prefer to take my advice from the doctor who has seen my son since he was born or parents that I admire based on the children they raised. Heck-my mother will be the first to admit she never wanted “snotty nosed little kids”. We didn’t turn into rocket scientists, but we turned our fairly successful considering. So why on earth would I care enough to fight right or wrong parenting styles with these online screen names (some cyber bullies really)? Inquire about their style…yeah maybe. Take it as fact? H E double hockey sticks NO.
To Each Their Own. Just Because You Have an Opinion Does Not Make it Fact.
Listen moms…why do we insist on being each others’ worst enemies? I could go on and on and on about how I didn’t agree with the majority of this mom’s opinions, but I won’t. It’s her opinion/her blog. But why contribute to the mom bashing? I will simply say my feelings on what I want for my life. I have never co-slept with my son. Now, occasionally he wants to sleep with me while my husband works nights, but when my husband is home…I want to sleep with my husband(except when he breathes too loud). I married him. I feel like I owe him that. I feel like he deserve some alone time with his wife or someone to snuggle with when he wants to snuggle (I’m not really a snuggler-but if I must). I often wonder if my life should be a little less about me and more revolving around my son. I don’t really dwell on all those times when I knew all my son’s basic life sustaining needs were met and he cried in his crib. Do I think he was scarred for life. No.
Listen, I understand I may not have a popular view in the new parenting world, but there are days where I don’t want to be a parent. There are days that I envy/admire my twin for her freedom. There are days I look around at all the babies and think-oh man I have no interest in doing this all over again. I don’t want to change diapers, pack loads of stuff to go to the grocery store, leave a restaurant because my child is upset, or wake up in the middle of the night for a feeding.
And since this blog is primarily about our infertility journey, I will come full circle. Does my doubt and reluctance mean I shouldn’t have another child? That blogger would probably say yes and tell me what a horrible parent I am now. I say that is a load of crap. I have days of doubt and days I’d prefer not to start this all over again, but that doesn’t mean that in general I shouldn’t bring another child into this world. My hubs deserves that. I will go through IVF because I want to give that to him and be able to share that with him. If you are someone who never feels the ambivalence of parenting then I admire you. Truly-that would be impossible for me, but can we lay off the “you’re destroying your child if you don’t do it the way I think is right” attitude.
Case of the Natural Vasectomy 